G-string (*)

You don't realise how good you are when you play.

That's probably not very reassuring, coming from me - someone who likes shit music and can't recognise any of the songs you play. But you are. Trust me.

I love how passionate you are, and how much you immerse yourself in it. You fit the image of 'broody musician' to a tee, (I think you're aware of that yourself though, you cocky bastard).

I wish I could afford to buy you a new guitar, or your own piano to play when you've had too much to drink and you think you're Beethoven/Peter Griffin. They're bloody expensive though - I'll have to set up some kind of fund for you, my impoverished musical prodigy.

I'm about as useful to you as a guitar without a G-string -  but I'll always be listening. Always.

Trouble sleeping

A night is an eternity when you're dreaming of sleep. When you're thinking of the things you should have said & the things you shouldn't have done.
I watch as the hands cling to the clock, the slow rhythmic dance of the minute hand growing ever more torturous. I'm treading that fine line between exhaustion and immense sadness - when the choice between crying and sleeping is not only undistinguishable but unnecessarily difficult. My head is growing increasingly vacant of productivity and rationale, only to be topped up by neurotic thoughts.
I just want this night to fade and fall away, instead of lingering and insisting on keeping my perilous mind company.

It's just a phase.
It's just a phase.
It's just a phase.

Guidance

I need you to do something for me.

I know I ask a lot of you as it is. I can only hope that you will oblige me this on top of everything else.
I need direction. I need you to tell me - no, I need you to show me what to do, until I start getting things right. Until you do, I will only continue to falter and struggle with my decisions and actions.

It frustrates me that I have to ask for help; that I can't do things for myself without disaster following. I feel as young and naive as my short years. I would love to be as independent and sensible as I make out to be. But I'm not. Far from it.

You know what the most frustrating thing is? When I don't even realise that I'm doing things wrong. Which is almost all of the time. I continue to offend and hurt people with the decisions I make, and I am oblivious to the extent of the havoc I cause. I'm the idiot at the end of it all wondering why the hell everyone hates me.

I need you. You always know what to do and what to say. Always. You make good decisions. You have managed to navigate your way through life thus far without ruining everything you touch.
Is it really that easy? Is there something I'm missing here? Was I born without common sense? This elusive thing known as 'street smarts'? Greatly lacking in intuition? I am truly at a loss.

Some people flounder without guidance. I am one of those people. Show me the way, before I drown.